Grandma's daughter and her only child could not have been more different than chocolate and vanilla, night and day, soft and hard, ice and water, up and down. Grandma was a dreamer and a believer in all the fantasies and fun that life can bring. Her daughter thought she was dramatic and took the practical approach to all she did.
Grandma always felt that people just shouldn't have to die, so much that she kept a journal of so many born and died, famous, and infamous, the date and year. Her daughter didn't understand why she didn't accept the circle of life and realize that death was normal. Grandma kept letters and cards from people she loved; her daughter didn't see the need to keep the clutter. Grandma missed all who came before her; her daughter felt that it wasn't how she wanted to spend her time.
Grandma primped, colored her hair until the day she died, loved makeup and style; her daughter was naturally beautiful but wore only red lipstick, colored her hair briefly, and while always clean and neat, clothes and style were not her thing.
Grandma believed in a bit of manipulation of the opposite sex; her daughter was always straightforward with everything on the table.
And yet, when I was a little girl and through my teen years, I saw them talk nearly everyday, talk about the grandchildren, talk about marriage, fight about lots of stuff, grocery shop every week together religiously, plan holidays for us, and always, always find their common ground. And that common ground was love for each other, linked to surviving tough years when it was just the two of them and Nana, surviving the depression, WWII, and then onto better times. Their mother/daughter bond was challenging as each sought to not be the other and yet they sought each other out constantly. It seems that we all seek to improve upon the last generation yet defend our own generation--therein lies our conflict.
If you are as lucky as I am, one day you may realize that if you can do it all as well as your Mom, with a few lucky improvements along the way, then you'll have done well. I have three mother/daughter relationships in my house, each one a treasure, each one a contest. And each relationship with such promise and each so much fun. Happy Mother's Day to My Mom and all Moms (and to me, too).
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Grandma and the Fights
Around the time I developed an interest in boxing after the 1976 Summer Olympics, the topic of fighting came up. All kinds of fighting. Grandma found it interesting that I developing this interest in boxing. Eventually, when talking about fighting, Grandma's mind wandered to the kind of fighting she knew. Like when her sister-in-law was mad at her and my Grandpa and didn't talk to them for a bit. Or fighting with my Grandpa if the issue warranted it in her mind. But Grandma wasn't a fighter, she said. And as I grew up, I think I formed the opinion that she was an avoider, as I like to call some people. Avoid the people and the issue, avoid the fight.
Grandma sometimes talked about how she and her first husband never fought. She found that so romantic that they were always moving in the same direction and that they didn't need to fight. She said their romance was so easy; they mutually looked forward to their quick wedding and honeymoon, and they always got a long very well. She said she had no problem going along with most of the things he wanted or chose. By the time the infidelities started, however, she started realizing that not speaking up was an issue, that it was she who'd always gone along, and it felt like it was too late to change that. While Grandma was never a woman of conflict, she did learn to speak up for herself when it meant that much to her.
Her lesson in this story was this, she said: She (and my mother after her) always said that if a couple never fights, it simply means that one person gives in most of the time and that the other person isn't considering his or her feelings. Over time, it wears down the person who gives in with resentment, and the other person ends up not having respect for the person who never stands up for himself or herself. And without trust and respect in a relationship. you can't have true love and friendship.
Grandma said it applies to all relationships in some form; I agree. It doesn't mean you have to duke it out daily; it does mean that you should expect healthy conflict in a true relationship. Fight it out, figure it out, compromise, and move on. Words to live by.
Grandma sometimes talked about how she and her first husband never fought. She found that so romantic that they were always moving in the same direction and that they didn't need to fight. She said their romance was so easy; they mutually looked forward to their quick wedding and honeymoon, and they always got a long very well. She said she had no problem going along with most of the things he wanted or chose. By the time the infidelities started, however, she started realizing that not speaking up was an issue, that it was she who'd always gone along, and it felt like it was too late to change that. While Grandma was never a woman of conflict, she did learn to speak up for herself when it meant that much to her.
Her lesson in this story was this, she said: She (and my mother after her) always said that if a couple never fights, it simply means that one person gives in most of the time and that the other person isn't considering his or her feelings. Over time, it wears down the person who gives in with resentment, and the other person ends up not having respect for the person who never stands up for himself or herself. And without trust and respect in a relationship. you can't have true love and friendship.
Grandma said it applies to all relationships in some form; I agree. It doesn't mean you have to duke it out daily; it does mean that you should expect healthy conflict in a true relationship. Fight it out, figure it out, compromise, and move on. Words to live by.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Grandma and Loving Her Daughter
In 1938, as Grandma told me more than once, she had a "nervous breakdown." I often wondered why she told me this story more than once as I grew up. That was ok, though. I didn't mind hearing it. I believe now she knew it needed to be passed on.
At the time, her daughter was 3 years old, her husband was leaving her and coming back frequently, and she got to a point, she said, that she couldn't handle any of it well. She was embarrassed, had no confidence left, and was giving up on herself. She had a "nervous breakdown." The website http://www.mayoclinic.com/ says "The term 'nervous breakdown' is sometimes used to describe a stressful situation in which someone becomes temporarily unable to function normally in day-to-day life. " The website goes on to say that it's not a clinical term and it may be related to depression or when stress is too overwhelming. That seems to fit what she'd described to me.
She said she got to a point where her mother, siblings, aunts, and uncles were worried about her mind. They pooled their money together for her to receive help in a reputable institution. She told me she didn't care about anything or anyone and only felt sorry for herself. She wasn't able to live day to day.
After a couple of weeks of therapy and family visiting her often to show support, she said she was standing at her room window one day after a family visit, overlooking the parking lot. Her sister was in the lot with Grandma's beautiful blond-haired little girl. Her little girl was laughing, playing and running around, looking as though she had not a care in the world, and not even knowing why she was there.
Grandma said that it was right then, looking at her daughter, she'd decided, "I'm going to get better. I want to get better because I want to raise my daughter no matter what happens." It hit her all at once, she said, what it meant to her to be her little girl's mother, no matter what the future held. That was the turning point for her, she said. From that moment on, she did get better emotionally and apparently never looked back.
Perhaps she had some outstanding counseling that she didn't describe to me. I never thought to ask those questions. Perhaps she found inner strength and self-worth she didn't know she had. And now as a mother myself, I think perhaps she also was passing on to the next generation that when you love your children, you find a resolve and a strength in you that you don't even know exists until it's challenged. You don't give up. When focusing on that love, you can move forward through anything difficult. And she did.
At the time, her daughter was 3 years old, her husband was leaving her and coming back frequently, and she got to a point, she said, that she couldn't handle any of it well. She was embarrassed, had no confidence left, and was giving up on herself. She had a "nervous breakdown." The website http://www.mayoclinic.com/ says "The term 'nervous breakdown' is sometimes used to describe a stressful situation in which someone becomes temporarily unable to function normally in day-to-day life. " The website goes on to say that it's not a clinical term and it may be related to depression or when stress is too overwhelming. That seems to fit what she'd described to me.
She said she got to a point where her mother, siblings, aunts, and uncles were worried about her mind. They pooled their money together for her to receive help in a reputable institution. She told me she didn't care about anything or anyone and only felt sorry for herself. She wasn't able to live day to day.
After a couple of weeks of therapy and family visiting her often to show support, she said she was standing at her room window one day after a family visit, overlooking the parking lot. Her sister was in the lot with Grandma's beautiful blond-haired little girl. Her little girl was laughing, playing and running around, looking as though she had not a care in the world, and not even knowing why she was there.
Grandma said that it was right then, looking at her daughter, she'd decided, "I'm going to get better. I want to get better because I want to raise my daughter no matter what happens." It hit her all at once, she said, what it meant to her to be her little girl's mother, no matter what the future held. That was the turning point for her, she said. From that moment on, she did get better emotionally and apparently never looked back.
Perhaps she had some outstanding counseling that she didn't describe to me. I never thought to ask those questions. Perhaps she found inner strength and self-worth she didn't know she had. And now as a mother myself, I think perhaps she also was passing on to the next generation that when you love your children, you find a resolve and a strength in you that you don't even know exists until it's challenged. You don't give up. When focusing on that love, you can move forward through anything difficult. And she did.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Grandma and the Cheerleaders
Oh, this is just a story of Grandma at her best and putting up with some of the worst. Grandmas have infinite patience for their grandchildren to do what would drive those same children's parents crazy. In fact, it was my best friend who reminded me of this great memory that touched her, too.
Grandma was always fascinated with the generations after hers. She was amazed at what we young women were doing and how we had the relative freedom to do it. Grandma didn't go to high school and no one made her go back in the 1920s. Many young women did not. She regretted that decision and had fun talking to us about our high school experiences, our grades, boys, and our activities. One of them was cheerleading.
Yes, cheerleading. I had neither intention nor courage to try out for anything back then, but my best friend, Jackie (still to this day), convinced me to try out for cheerleading because she needed a partner in the tryouts. Oh, also because we had to be like our idol in the book, The Cheerleader, a paperback that forever changed our lives as 8th graders. It was practically a handbook to boys and high school in general, we thought.
The problem was the partner cheer--about which we both knew nothing. We hadn't been cheerleaders for Jr Football like some others. We did figure out that to get it right we should be in a mirror watching each other over and over again to make sure we were in synch. The problem was we didn't have a mirror that wide.
Grandma did! It was in one of the unused upstairs bedrooms where I liked to snoop. She had a mirror that spanned more than half of one of walls. It's another question I'd like to ask her: "Why did you have a mirror that big?"
It seemed like everyday for weeks, we showed up at Grandma's house in the afternoon when it was time for her to watch her soap operas and have her English afternoon tea. We shouted our guts out to the same cheer over and over again until we were convinced we were in synch in voice and arms and legs--'til we were convinced the judges would believe we were worthy of being high school cheerleaders. Not once did Grandma ask if we were done or when we'd be done or how many days were left 'til the actual tryouts. So we kept showing up and shouting and flailing until the day of tryouts.
Yes, we made the squad, thanks to Grandma. When we talk about those tryouts, Grandma, her mirror, and her patience are always, always brought up. May we pass that patience and encouragement on to our children and grandchildren.
Grandma was always fascinated with the generations after hers. She was amazed at what we young women were doing and how we had the relative freedom to do it. Grandma didn't go to high school and no one made her go back in the 1920s. Many young women did not. She regretted that decision and had fun talking to us about our high school experiences, our grades, boys, and our activities. One of them was cheerleading.
Yes, cheerleading. I had neither intention nor courage to try out for anything back then, but my best friend, Jackie (still to this day), convinced me to try out for cheerleading because she needed a partner in the tryouts. Oh, also because we had to be like our idol in the book, The Cheerleader, a paperback that forever changed our lives as 8th graders. It was practically a handbook to boys and high school in general, we thought.
The problem was the partner cheer--about which we both knew nothing. We hadn't been cheerleaders for Jr Football like some others. We did figure out that to get it right we should be in a mirror watching each other over and over again to make sure we were in synch. The problem was we didn't have a mirror that wide.
Grandma did! It was in one of the unused upstairs bedrooms where I liked to snoop. She had a mirror that spanned more than half of one of walls. It's another question I'd like to ask her: "Why did you have a mirror that big?"
It seemed like everyday for weeks, we showed up at Grandma's house in the afternoon when it was time for her to watch her soap operas and have her English afternoon tea. We shouted our guts out to the same cheer over and over again until we were convinced we were in synch in voice and arms and legs--'til we were convinced the judges would believe we were worthy of being high school cheerleaders. Not once did Grandma ask if we were done or when we'd be done or how many days were left 'til the actual tryouts. So we kept showing up and shouting and flailing until the day of tryouts.
Yes, we made the squad, thanks to Grandma. When we talk about those tryouts, Grandma, her mirror, and her patience are always, always brought up. May we pass that patience and encouragement on to our children and grandchildren.
Grandma and President Nixon's Resignation
When you're 12, the last thing on your mind is the President of the United States. At least that was the case with me. I do remember the year clearly, however. It was 1975, and President Nixon had a big impact on my Grandma and on my summer vacation.
You see, Grandma was a diehard Republican, and now that I have an interest in politics, I would love to ask her why. I would love to hear her describe her positions about the party and the country. She was a relatively young woman when FDR was President through the Great Depression and WWII. FDR had a great friendship with George VI, father to the current Queen Elizabeth. Grandma adored the English royalty, since her mother and father grew up there. Republican, though, was her stance in her later years and perhaps all her life.
Grandma just loved President Nixon and made sure she watched him whenever he was on television. She listened intently to his speeches, much to my boredom when visiting her house. No one could change that channel or her opinion.
We were at Grandma's house in Pt. Pleasant, NJ, in July. What I remember clearly was my mother and Grandma arguing intently, until I heard my mother say, "He's a crook!" Now that got my attention, and my mother was talking about President Nixon. I didn't care who she was talking about--the discussion had just gotten interesting. Grandma defended him vehemently with arguments I no longer remember, probably because I didn't understand the discussion details in general.
Later that day President Nixon was on TV. At 12 years old I was old enough to know that somehow it was a big deal that the President of the United States was resigning from his job before his time in office was up. He didn't want his problems to be a distraction to the country and apologized to the country. Grandma sat there and cried; my mother did not.
As an adult, I think I understand how both their views represented the country in general; and I think I now understand why Grandma must have cried. She knew, just from living as long as she had by then, that it was a pivotal point in our nation's ability to believe in itself and its government. My mother was young enough to have an appreciation for the change or discovery of the dishonesties that lead to his resignation. And I was too young to understand any of it well at all.
Grandma and Mom's reactions--so opposite--left a deep impression on me, however, and especially how they handled it with each other. Not because they disagreed with each other, but because they accepted that they disagreed with each other. A great lesson for me.
You see, Grandma was a diehard Republican, and now that I have an interest in politics, I would love to ask her why. I would love to hear her describe her positions about the party and the country. She was a relatively young woman when FDR was President through the Great Depression and WWII. FDR had a great friendship with George VI, father to the current Queen Elizabeth. Grandma adored the English royalty, since her mother and father grew up there. Republican, though, was her stance in her later years and perhaps all her life.
Grandma just loved President Nixon and made sure she watched him whenever he was on television. She listened intently to his speeches, much to my boredom when visiting her house. No one could change that channel or her opinion.
We were at Grandma's house in Pt. Pleasant, NJ, in July. What I remember clearly was my mother and Grandma arguing intently, until I heard my mother say, "He's a crook!" Now that got my attention, and my mother was talking about President Nixon. I didn't care who she was talking about--the discussion had just gotten interesting. Grandma defended him vehemently with arguments I no longer remember, probably because I didn't understand the discussion details in general.
Later that day President Nixon was on TV. At 12 years old I was old enough to know that somehow it was a big deal that the President of the United States was resigning from his job before his time in office was up. He didn't want his problems to be a distraction to the country and apologized to the country. Grandma sat there and cried; my mother did not.
As an adult, I think I understand how both their views represented the country in general; and I think I now understand why Grandma must have cried. She knew, just from living as long as she had by then, that it was a pivotal point in our nation's ability to believe in itself and its government. My mother was young enough to have an appreciation for the change or discovery of the dishonesties that lead to his resignation. And I was too young to understand any of it well at all.
Grandma and Mom's reactions--so opposite--left a deep impression on me, however, and especially how they handled it with each other. Not because they disagreed with each other, but because they accepted that they disagreed with each other. A great lesson for me.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Grandma and the Crochet Lessons
Grandma made beautifully crocheted blankets, several of which my mother has to this day. I watched her crochet complicated stitches with bright yarn colors that seemed so easy as her aging hands just flowed through the yarn and around the needle and back through the spaces to create beautiful patterns.
It seemed like every female in our family knew how to crochet but me. I couldn't wait to learn and by now I was about 9 years old. Of course, being the youngest, it was natural that everyone would learn before I did. It's just that I had an extra problem: I was the only lefty in the family so who was going to teach me? My mother, to her credit, tried many times to show me but I just couldn't get it by watching her right hand and transferring the movements to my left hands. My big sister tried to show me, still to no avail.
One day, I sat in Grandma's kitchen with my head perched on my hands, in sheer frustration. "Grandma, I just can't learn how to crochet and I think it's 'cuz I'm lefty. I just can't get it." Well, I believe the day Grandmas become grandmas their brain power doubles when they are in the presence of their grandchildren. At first Grandma just sat there while I whined. Then she got up and came back with two crochet needles, some yarn, and the biggest handheld mirror she owned. She said, "I think today is the day you'll learn how to crochet."
Very slowly, she crocheted in front of the mirror, whose reflection looked to me like her left hand was holding the needle instead of her right hand. I was able to mimic her movements one at a time until finally I'd completed a stitch --a real stitch! From there I eventually completed a whole chain. Then she taught me (still in the mirror) how to return to create a second row.
It's a lesson I'll never forget. On many levels.
It seemed like every female in our family knew how to crochet but me. I couldn't wait to learn and by now I was about 9 years old. Of course, being the youngest, it was natural that everyone would learn before I did. It's just that I had an extra problem: I was the only lefty in the family so who was going to teach me? My mother, to her credit, tried many times to show me but I just couldn't get it by watching her right hand and transferring the movements to my left hands. My big sister tried to show me, still to no avail.
One day, I sat in Grandma's kitchen with my head perched on my hands, in sheer frustration. "Grandma, I just can't learn how to crochet and I think it's 'cuz I'm lefty. I just can't get it." Well, I believe the day Grandmas become grandmas their brain power doubles when they are in the presence of their grandchildren. At first Grandma just sat there while I whined. Then she got up and came back with two crochet needles, some yarn, and the biggest handheld mirror she owned. She said, "I think today is the day you'll learn how to crochet."
Very slowly, she crocheted in front of the mirror, whose reflection looked to me like her left hand was holding the needle instead of her right hand. I was able to mimic her movements one at a time until finally I'd completed a stitch --a real stitch! From there I eventually completed a whole chain. Then she taught me (still in the mirror) how to return to create a second row.
It's a lesson I'll never forget. On many levels.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Grandpa and the Pool Table
This past weekend I taught my girlfriend, who recently got a pool table (billiards), the basics of playing pool. She caught on right away, and she'll be beating her grown sons in no time!
Grandpa Backhus had a 9-foot championship-size pool table in his basement. The story goes that he discovered it in his Uncle Herman's barn in Califon, NJ. It became his, he refurbished it, and he suddenly had a good recreation room in his basement. He installed a bar and put a piano down there, too. When I was about 5 or 6, he started to teach me how to play, one step at a time. I used a small cue stick that was for tight shots, but he told me it was made especially for little kids like me.
He taught me how to apply chalk to the stick and why, curl my index finger around the stick, but not too tightly, and to balance my other fingers on the table for support. Hitting the cue ball into any ball was the first step. Then hitting the ball you intended was the next step. Sinking a ball on a straightline into a side pocket was the next and finally moving to angle shots. It was a years-long process, I'm sure, as my brain developed to understand the geometry behind the game.
As you can imagine, at 6 years old, I was too short to be that effective, so Grandpa had a stool for me. When it was my turn, I simply moved my stool from place to place and took my shots. He taught me early on how to use the bridge (something to lean the stick on when you can't stretch that far), because I'd needed it often back then. And it was a great day when I could play a whole game without scratching (sinking the cue ball when it wasn't supposed to go in). It was an even better day when I could win a game. I'm sure, however, I didn't really ever win against him, my father, or my uncle. It was fun thinking I did, though!
Am I that good? Oh no, but I can hold my own in most games played by ordinary people. As a high schooler, our town recreation hall where the teenagers hung out had a pool table. Back then it was regarded as more of a man's game, so the boys made it clear they didn't really want me to play, which annoyed me. So, I'd wait my turn, and on my first few shots, I'd act a bit uncoordinated and get the, "See? You're a girl" comments. That was my "cue" to just clean up and leave them in the dust. You see, none of them knew that I had a Grandpa who didn't think I was "just a girl." He taught me all tricks I could absorb and how to hustle anyone who made fun of me.
Thanks, Grandpa.
Grandpa Backhus had a 9-foot championship-size pool table in his basement. The story goes that he discovered it in his Uncle Herman's barn in Califon, NJ. It became his, he refurbished it, and he suddenly had a good recreation room in his basement. He installed a bar and put a piano down there, too. When I was about 5 or 6, he started to teach me how to play, one step at a time. I used a small cue stick that was for tight shots, but he told me it was made especially for little kids like me.
He taught me how to apply chalk to the stick and why, curl my index finger around the stick, but not too tightly, and to balance my other fingers on the table for support. Hitting the cue ball into any ball was the first step. Then hitting the ball you intended was the next step. Sinking a ball on a straightline into a side pocket was the next and finally moving to angle shots. It was a years-long process, I'm sure, as my brain developed to understand the geometry behind the game.
As you can imagine, at 6 years old, I was too short to be that effective, so Grandpa had a stool for me. When it was my turn, I simply moved my stool from place to place and took my shots. He taught me early on how to use the bridge (something to lean the stick on when you can't stretch that far), because I'd needed it often back then. And it was a great day when I could play a whole game without scratching (sinking the cue ball when it wasn't supposed to go in). It was an even better day when I could win a game. I'm sure, however, I didn't really ever win against him, my father, or my uncle. It was fun thinking I did, though!
Am I that good? Oh no, but I can hold my own in most games played by ordinary people. As a high schooler, our town recreation hall where the teenagers hung out had a pool table. Back then it was regarded as more of a man's game, so the boys made it clear they didn't really want me to play, which annoyed me. So, I'd wait my turn, and on my first few shots, I'd act a bit uncoordinated and get the, "See? You're a girl" comments. That was my "cue" to just clean up and leave them in the dust. You see, none of them knew that I had a Grandpa who didn't think I was "just a girl." He taught me all tricks I could absorb and how to hustle anyone who made fun of me.
Thanks, Grandpa.
Grandma and the Sleepover
Sleeping at Grandma's house, even though only 75 yards away from home, was always a big event. The prospect of staying up late, watching TV in bed, eating snacks "late" at night made the event much to look forward to. My mother, in particular, wasn't big on sleepovers. Staying up late wasn't an option and eating snacks in bed isn't something allowed in our house. (For the record, food in bed is not allowed in mine either.) She liked knowing all her children were home, and of course now that I'm a mom, I understand those feelings. Sleepovers with Grandma, however, were OK.
Of course dinner with Grandma started with Egg in a Cup; you can read that other story on this blog. Grandma had a small television in her kitchen on a wheeled cart. So not only did we watch TV during our meal, Grandma wheeled the TV into my bedroom for more TV watching later. How lucky was I!
My bedtime was quite early back then--about 8pm--and my mother felt pretty strongly about it. In turn, my grandmother felt pretty strongly about not having to argue with my mother if I was allowed to stay up late in her house. And she didn't want me or her to lie about what time I "was in bed." So exactly at 8pm, I "was in bed." Yup, teeth brushed, all cleaned up, in pajamas and under the covers. I "was in bed" promptly at 8pm. So this way, we were telling the truth, however partial, to my mom the next day when she asked, "What time did you go to bed?"
What wasn't asked was, "Did you watch TV in bed? Did you have a snack in bed and have to brush your teeth again? What time did the light get turned off?" So I guess that's how I learned how one avoids the truth through omission or how to manipulate the truth. Hmmm, doesn't sound very ethical, but it was sure fun! It was our little secret when Grandma and I had a sleepover.
Of course dinner with Grandma started with Egg in a Cup; you can read that other story on this blog. Grandma had a small television in her kitchen on a wheeled cart. So not only did we watch TV during our meal, Grandma wheeled the TV into my bedroom for more TV watching later. How lucky was I!
My bedtime was quite early back then--about 8pm--and my mother felt pretty strongly about it. In turn, my grandmother felt pretty strongly about not having to argue with my mother if I was allowed to stay up late in her house. And she didn't want me or her to lie about what time I "was in bed." So exactly at 8pm, I "was in bed." Yup, teeth brushed, all cleaned up, in pajamas and under the covers. I "was in bed" promptly at 8pm. So this way, we were telling the truth, however partial, to my mom the next day when she asked, "What time did you go to bed?"
What wasn't asked was, "Did you watch TV in bed? Did you have a snack in bed and have to brush your teeth again? What time did the light get turned off?" So I guess that's how I learned how one avoids the truth through omission or how to manipulate the truth. Hmmm, doesn't sound very ethical, but it was sure fun! It was our little secret when Grandma and I had a sleepover.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Grandma and the Deal with Her Stepson
Grandma lived in a blended family even before anyone really knew what one was. She brought her 12-year-old daughter to her second marriage; her husband brought his two sons. One of those sons was a little boy and so glad to have a mom. The other was 14 and was not so happy.
You see, the 14-year-old was 9 when his mom died of heart failure right in front of him while she was hanging her laundry on the outside line. And from all accounts, she was a treasure of a mom, who adored her little boy, and their relationship was very special. Her other son, her baby, was only 5 months old at the time of her death. So the 14-year-old had a lot of feelings to deal with now that his dad had remarried--even if he liked her just fine. And let's face it, being 14 can be a turbulent time for anyone, even without these extra challenges. Add to it that his Dad came home married, without telling him. His new stepsister had been at this little private ceremony; he'd been denied it, he felt.
Grandma said that she knew it wasn't going to be easy. She told me she knew stepmothers had the famous reputation of being mean and terrible. So she gave a lot of thought to how to handle this new situation for all the children. Finally, the opportunity presented itself. After lots of surly behavior and tense moments, the 14-year-old showed his anger and shouted at her, "Don't bother me. You are NOT my mother and I'm not going to call you Mom." Grandma thought this was the perfect opening. She responded with something like, "I know I'm not your mother. I can't be your mother. And it's so terrible that she passed away. But I can be your father's wife that you can get a long with. Let's make a deal." She said she knew she had his attention.
"You don't call me stepmother. Call me Helen. And you won't see me trying to be your mother but maybe we can be friends somehow." My grandmother said their relationship was fine from then on.
And this 14-year-old, now an older man of 77, will tell you the same story in nearly the same words and has said how thankful he was to have Helen come into his life--just when he needed her most.
You see, the 14-year-old was 9 when his mom died of heart failure right in front of him while she was hanging her laundry on the outside line. And from all accounts, she was a treasure of a mom, who adored her little boy, and their relationship was very special. Her other son, her baby, was only 5 months old at the time of her death. So the 14-year-old had a lot of feelings to deal with now that his dad had remarried--even if he liked her just fine. And let's face it, being 14 can be a turbulent time for anyone, even without these extra challenges. Add to it that his Dad came home married, without telling him. His new stepsister had been at this little private ceremony; he'd been denied it, he felt.
Grandma said that she knew it wasn't going to be easy. She told me she knew stepmothers had the famous reputation of being mean and terrible. So she gave a lot of thought to how to handle this new situation for all the children. Finally, the opportunity presented itself. After lots of surly behavior and tense moments, the 14-year-old showed his anger and shouted at her, "Don't bother me. You are NOT my mother and I'm not going to call you Mom." Grandma thought this was the perfect opening. She responded with something like, "I know I'm not your mother. I can't be your mother. And it's so terrible that she passed away. But I can be your father's wife that you can get a long with. Let's make a deal." She said she knew she had his attention.
"You don't call me stepmother. Call me Helen. And you won't see me trying to be your mother but maybe we can be friends somehow." My grandmother said their relationship was fine from then on.
And this 14-year-old, now an older man of 77, will tell you the same story in nearly the same words and has said how thankful he was to have Helen come into his life--just when he needed her most.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Grandma and How She Finally Locked the Door
Grandma had a first husband. She'd adored him, she told me, for many years from the time she was a teenager and almost up until the end. He was tall, blond, sophisticated, and loved her, she said. And she couldn't marry him 'til she was 21. She counted the days until they could marry. He was dashing and from the photos we still have, she was right. Yet when their daughter was 5 years old, he finally left "for good," as Grandma put it. "For good" was always in there story because he'd left and returned many times during their marraige until he left "for good."
She was telling me this in 1975 when suddenly couples married 20 years were divorcing, something relatively unheard of until the 70s. But in the late 30s and the 40s, it was still considered outright unacceptable. So she endured it the best she she knew how. And I wondered if she envied the new freedom of women to divorce with less stigma.
Their marriage was up and down, and she said that often he didn't come home at night. She left the door open for him the many, many nights he didn't come home. I never did ask where he went or why he didn't come home; even as I got older it just seemed better to not ask for those details. Finally, though, she did say that he wasn't faithful. I must've been about 12 or so. And that was my introduction to infidelity and the damage it could cause. She'd endured it, she said, at a time when you didn't get divorced or the social ramifications were worse than the divorce itself.
Finally when my mother was about 5 years old, he'd made it clear that he was not returning, was seeking a divorce, and was moving out of the state. He even managed to get an annulment (how is a good question here) so child support wasn't required. He simply moved on.
On that terrible, final day, she said the one thing she remembered the most was that after he left "for good," she walked up to the door and locked it. Just locked it, stood there for a few moments, and then went to bed. For the many nights that door had been open waiting for him to come home, she hadn't felt safe. Once she locked it, she realized she and her daughter were now much safer in their own home--and mostly from him.
She was telling me this in 1975 when suddenly couples married 20 years were divorcing, something relatively unheard of until the 70s. But in the late 30s and the 40s, it was still considered outright unacceptable. So she endured it the best she she knew how. And I wondered if she envied the new freedom of women to divorce with less stigma.
Their marriage was up and down, and she said that often he didn't come home at night. She left the door open for him the many, many nights he didn't come home. I never did ask where he went or why he didn't come home; even as I got older it just seemed better to not ask for those details. Finally, though, she did say that he wasn't faithful. I must've been about 12 or so. And that was my introduction to infidelity and the damage it could cause. She'd endured it, she said, at a time when you didn't get divorced or the social ramifications were worse than the divorce itself.
Finally when my mother was about 5 years old, he'd made it clear that he was not returning, was seeking a divorce, and was moving out of the state. He even managed to get an annulment (how is a good question here) so child support wasn't required. He simply moved on.
On that terrible, final day, she said the one thing she remembered the most was that after he left "for good," she walked up to the door and locked it. Just locked it, stood there for a few moments, and then went to bed. For the many nights that door had been open waiting for him to come home, she hadn't felt safe. Once she locked it, she realized she and her daughter were now much safer in their own home--and mostly from him.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Grandma and the Manicure
Grandma always had perfectly manicured fingernails. In her old age, she had a placemat at her spot at the kitchen table, which now that I think of it, was at the head of the table. Interesting in itself.
Under that placemat was a treasure of things she might need at any moment. It was pretty scary what she'd pull out from under there sometimes. And one of the items was an emory board. Not the soft disposable cardboard ones, but a real, metal emory board. She'd whip it out during any conversation and fix one of her nails. They were all long, always had perfect clear polish on them, and it seemed none of them ever broke. Through cooking, cleaning and anything else, those nails were perfect. As a child, I tried and tried to grow my nails to be like Grandma's, to no avail.
Yet Grandma didn't always have long nails, she said. Mrs. Livolsi made her grow them. And she always called her Mrs. Livolsi--never anything else when telling a story about her. Mrs. Livolsi was her boss in the 40s, during WWII, when Grandma no longer had a husband, she had a daughter to raise and needed to support them. So she got a waitressing job at a diner-type restaurant that is now the Japanese Steak House on Rt. 17 in Hasbrouck Heights, NJ. Back then it was a hangout for fledgling aviators trying their hand at Teterboro airport as well as other regulars.
Grandma was a nailbiter, however, and that was just unacceptable to Mrs. Livolsi. With her thick accent, she told my Grandmother that she could not have hands like that to present to the customers and still expect tips. She painted bright red nail polish on Grandma's nails as a reminder to not bite them and to grow them or else. And grow them she did, until they were beautifully long and presentable to the customers. Grandma called those 5 years of waitressing some of the best years of her life for all she learned and experienced. Eventually she met my Grandfather and remarried. And once that was the case, you generally didn't work outside the home again. But she kept her nails manicured perfectly for the rest of her life.
Under that placemat was a treasure of things she might need at any moment. It was pretty scary what she'd pull out from under there sometimes. And one of the items was an emory board. Not the soft disposable cardboard ones, but a real, metal emory board. She'd whip it out during any conversation and fix one of her nails. They were all long, always had perfect clear polish on them, and it seemed none of them ever broke. Through cooking, cleaning and anything else, those nails were perfect. As a child, I tried and tried to grow my nails to be like Grandma's, to no avail.
Yet Grandma didn't always have long nails, she said. Mrs. Livolsi made her grow them. And she always called her Mrs. Livolsi--never anything else when telling a story about her. Mrs. Livolsi was her boss in the 40s, during WWII, when Grandma no longer had a husband, she had a daughter to raise and needed to support them. So she got a waitressing job at a diner-type restaurant that is now the Japanese Steak House on Rt. 17 in Hasbrouck Heights, NJ. Back then it was a hangout for fledgling aviators trying their hand at Teterboro airport as well as other regulars.
Grandma was a nailbiter, however, and that was just unacceptable to Mrs. Livolsi. With her thick accent, she told my Grandmother that she could not have hands like that to present to the customers and still expect tips. She painted bright red nail polish on Grandma's nails as a reminder to not bite them and to grow them or else. And grow them she did, until they were beautifully long and presentable to the customers. Grandma called those 5 years of waitressing some of the best years of her life for all she learned and experienced. Eventually she met my Grandfather and remarried. And once that was the case, you generally didn't work outside the home again. But she kept her nails manicured perfectly for the rest of her life.
Grandma and the Drawers
At one house I was considered a snoop; at Grandma's house, I was simply curious. And thinking about it now, I'd like to take a lesson from her today in growing a child's curiosity. Grandma let me (and my siblings, I'm sure) go through nearly every drawer in her house and look. Look but not touch! And look, I did.
Playing with my neighborhood friends got boring sometimes, so there was always exploring at Grandma's to pass the time. The living room furniture drawers were full of little books and random photo slides that my Grandfather took and left in there to look at periodically. Curled black & white photos were in those drawers, too, mostly of my Grandfather's relatives who were long gone by the time I started my snooping in earnest. The dining room was the least engaging to me--no hidden meanings there. The drawers were full of all the items taken out for various holidays--napkins, little Pilgrim, Christmas items, Easter items.
The basement furniture and cabinets were full of more of these photos, as well as some hidden chests down there with clothes, more photos, and objects that simply accumulated during their lifetime. My grandmother's bedroom top drawers--the clothes were of no interest to me--were full of costume jewelry, photos of my mother as a baby and toddler (she was an only child until she came to have step brothers), my mother's baby book, and photos of Grandma's mother (my great-grandmother). The spare bedroom on the main floor housed everything of my great-grandmother's--clothes, jewelry, card games, and her photo albums. That was great fun to go through.
Upstairs was unused in their older years--so it was a treasure to explore. In the hall was the one piece of furniture brought to the house by my grandfather. It had belonged to his first wife who died at 33, leaving him a widower with a 9-year-old son and a 5-month-old son. This secretary housed a stamp collection, a coin collection (both thought of as boring to me at that time), many photos of this grandmother I never knew, photos of my his sons as children, and various magazines that for some reason were chosen not to be discarded. Another bedroom upstairs had drawers that housed letters written by my uncle to my grandmother and grandfather while he was in the Navy. Now that was insight into the early 1960s! Another room, my favorite bedroom housed books and more books, many of which I have in my house today as well as that antique bedroom set. The last small bedroom had an old manual typewriter in it--I spent countless hours trying to teach myself to type. I'm still learning.
When my grandparents passed away within months of each other 24 years ago, there were a lot of questions from my parents about "where was this or where was that and where do you think they put this or that?" Guess who knew the answers?
Playing with my neighborhood friends got boring sometimes, so there was always exploring at Grandma's to pass the time. The living room furniture drawers were full of little books and random photo slides that my Grandfather took and left in there to look at periodically. Curled black & white photos were in those drawers, too, mostly of my Grandfather's relatives who were long gone by the time I started my snooping in earnest. The dining room was the least engaging to me--no hidden meanings there. The drawers were full of all the items taken out for various holidays--napkins, little Pilgrim, Christmas items, Easter items.
The basement furniture and cabinets were full of more of these photos, as well as some hidden chests down there with clothes, more photos, and objects that simply accumulated during their lifetime. My grandmother's bedroom top drawers--the clothes were of no interest to me--were full of costume jewelry, photos of my mother as a baby and toddler (she was an only child until she came to have step brothers), my mother's baby book, and photos of Grandma's mother (my great-grandmother). The spare bedroom on the main floor housed everything of my great-grandmother's--clothes, jewelry, card games, and her photo albums. That was great fun to go through.
Upstairs was unused in their older years--so it was a treasure to explore. In the hall was the one piece of furniture brought to the house by my grandfather. It had belonged to his first wife who died at 33, leaving him a widower with a 9-year-old son and a 5-month-old son. This secretary housed a stamp collection, a coin collection (both thought of as boring to me at that time), many photos of this grandmother I never knew, photos of my his sons as children, and various magazines that for some reason were chosen not to be discarded. Another bedroom upstairs had drawers that housed letters written by my uncle to my grandmother and grandfather while he was in the Navy. Now that was insight into the early 1960s! Another room, my favorite bedroom housed books and more books, many of which I have in my house today as well as that antique bedroom set. The last small bedroom had an old manual typewriter in it--I spent countless hours trying to teach myself to type. I'm still learning.
When my grandparents passed away within months of each other 24 years ago, there were a lot of questions from my parents about "where was this or where was that and where do you think they put this or that?" Guess who knew the answers?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Grandma and the Refrigerator
I was about 4 when my Grandmother moved from having an ice box to a real refrigerator. Maybe it wasn't really an ice box but even I knew that it was pretty outdated. So finally, she had a real refrigerator with a freezer on top and a refrigerator for all other things on bottom, like pies, desserts, vegetables, and milk (delivered by the milkman).
Everyday when I skipped around the block to see Grandma, I so looked forward to opening her back door and immediately there was the smell....a good smell! Something was always cooking in her house early in the day because she and Grandpa ate their big meal at noon each day. Now, being so picky, I probably didn't like half of what she cooked, but it was the SMELL. It was Grandma's.
First thing I did was open the refrigerator to see what to have, if anything. And like all kids, I opened it and just stood there staring for what must have seemed like an electricity-wasting hour in a house of two people who clearly remembered when there was NO electricity available in most homes and no electricity bills to pay. Don't forget, Grandma was born in 1909; Grandpa was born in 1900.
So I just stood there most days, and moreover, she let me stand there each and every time for as long as wanted. I'd finally choose something like cheese, eggs, her homemade bread pudding, rice pudding or something to drink. And she never said a word about how long it took to choose or the electricity I shouldn't have been wasting. That's what Grandmas do, I guess.
Everyday when I skipped around the block to see Grandma, I so looked forward to opening her back door and immediately there was the smell....a good smell! Something was always cooking in her house early in the day because she and Grandpa ate their big meal at noon each day. Now, being so picky, I probably didn't like half of what she cooked, but it was the SMELL. It was Grandma's.
First thing I did was open the refrigerator to see what to have, if anything. And like all kids, I opened it and just stood there staring for what must have seemed like an electricity-wasting hour in a house of two people who clearly remembered when there was NO electricity available in most homes and no electricity bills to pay. Don't forget, Grandma was born in 1909; Grandpa was born in 1900.
So I just stood there most days, and moreover, she let me stand there each and every time for as long as wanted. I'd finally choose something like cheese, eggs, her homemade bread pudding, rice pudding or something to drink. And she never said a word about how long it took to choose or the electricity I shouldn't have been wasting. That's what Grandmas do, I guess.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Grandma and the Egg in a Cup
First, what's Egg in a Cup? Well, it's a softboiled egg placed in either in a special egg holder or you can use a shot glass--each holds the egg upright so you can cut the tip off and dip your toast that was sliced into strips right into the yolk. Grandma made a big production of choosing the egg, using only the same special little pot for the egg, and using her timer to make sure we didn't overcook it. A veritable cooking event to make sure it came out right. And then of course you had to time the toast properly so it was done at the same time as the egg. She cut the toast in perfectly sized strips that to this day I still can't seem to do as well as she did. And then you had to dip it just right so that all strips of toast had some yolk in which to dip them.
And it was the Meal of Salvation. Like so many small children, I was ultra picky and soon learned that if my Mom was making something I didn't like for dinner, which was pretty often, I'd skip (literally skip) over to Grandma's to ask if I could eat at her house and could I have Egg in a Cup. I don't know if that was her name (not so unique) but I didn't know it was also called a softboiled egg until I later worked in a restaurant. Sure enough Grandma would say yes, and I'd be using their brand new touchtone phone to call home to ask my Mom if I could eat at Grandma's. Well, it didn't take long for them to catch on, because after a while I was asking to eat there 3-4 days a week. And who wouldn't? You ate what you wanted and also got dessert AND watched TV during the meal. You were with two people who thought everything you said was wonderful, and let you eat the cherry from their Manhattan.
Eventually my alternative dinner location was narrowed down to meatloaf nights (I still don't like it) and a few other disgusting menu items. Of course they weren't disgusting but when pretty much all you like is eggs, cheese, fruit and bread, most other things are disgusting.
And yes, my children have had many an "Egg in a Cup" during their young lives and I bet their children will, too. Thanks, Grandma.
And it was the Meal of Salvation. Like so many small children, I was ultra picky and soon learned that if my Mom was making something I didn't like for dinner, which was pretty often, I'd skip (literally skip) over to Grandma's to ask if I could eat at her house and could I have Egg in a Cup. I don't know if that was her name (not so unique) but I didn't know it was also called a softboiled egg until I later worked in a restaurant. Sure enough Grandma would say yes, and I'd be using their brand new touchtone phone to call home to ask my Mom if I could eat at Grandma's. Well, it didn't take long for them to catch on, because after a while I was asking to eat there 3-4 days a week. And who wouldn't? You ate what you wanted and also got dessert AND watched TV during the meal. You were with two people who thought everything you said was wonderful, and let you eat the cherry from their Manhattan.
Eventually my alternative dinner location was narrowed down to meatloaf nights (I still don't like it) and a few other disgusting menu items. Of course they weren't disgusting but when pretty much all you like is eggs, cheese, fruit and bread, most other things are disgusting.
And yes, my children have had many an "Egg in a Cup" during their young lives and I bet their children will, too. Thanks, Grandma.
Grandma and the Pastel Yellow Polyester Pantsuit
It must've been about 1972 and Grandma was going on 63. And it must've been spring. Because why else would Grandma be wearing pastel yellow? She definitely observed color trends.
It was at the height of Women's Lib. Stay-at-home Moms born in the 30s and 40s were starting to take full-time jobs outside the home much to the dismay of their husbands in some cases. My own mother honored my father's wishes to NOT do this for as long as she could but also felt strongly about a parent being home and available to the children to raise them.
Grandma was long past that; she was in her second marriage for nearly 25 years; had recently passed her driver's license at about 59 years old for the first time and bought her own car (a green Chevy Nova). She was on a roll. Next up for her--having the nerve to not wear a dress everyday, which also necessitated the undergarments each day to go with the dress.
I can only guess that she went shopping with her bestfriend, who we called Aunt Alice. I don't think you make this type of momentous purchase alone. And she came home with the pastel yellow polyester pantsuit, much to my grandfather's dismay. I'll never forget when she came out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. I'd never seen my Grandmother in anything but a dress with an apron over it, everyday. She always had heels on, too, with stockings that were clipped on. Yes, she showed me those, too. But here she was announcing her freedom of wardrobe and announcing that she may never wear a dress again. While that didn't turn out to be true, she did wear pants almost every day after that, and for the next 14 or so years that she was alive. It's funny to think about what liberation meant back then and what it means now...Grandma was a wardrobe pioneer at 63! On top of it, she got her driver's license and inspired her own daughter, my mother, to get hers shortly after that. Pretty cool.
It was at the height of Women's Lib. Stay-at-home Moms born in the 30s and 40s were starting to take full-time jobs outside the home much to the dismay of their husbands in some cases. My own mother honored my father's wishes to NOT do this for as long as she could but also felt strongly about a parent being home and available to the children to raise them.
Grandma was long past that; she was in her second marriage for nearly 25 years; had recently passed her driver's license at about 59 years old for the first time and bought her own car (a green Chevy Nova). She was on a roll. Next up for her--having the nerve to not wear a dress everyday, which also necessitated the undergarments each day to go with the dress.
I can only guess that she went shopping with her bestfriend, who we called Aunt Alice. I don't think you make this type of momentous purchase alone. And she came home with the pastel yellow polyester pantsuit, much to my grandfather's dismay. I'll never forget when she came out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. I'd never seen my Grandmother in anything but a dress with an apron over it, everyday. She always had heels on, too, with stockings that were clipped on. Yes, she showed me those, too. But here she was announcing her freedom of wardrobe and announcing that she may never wear a dress again. While that didn't turn out to be true, she did wear pants almost every day after that, and for the next 14 or so years that she was alive. It's funny to think about what liberation meant back then and what it means now...Grandma was a wardrobe pioneer at 63! On top of it, she got her driver's license and inspired her own daughter, my mother, to get hers shortly after that. Pretty cool.
Grandma and Her Pinky Ring
Grandma lived around the block from us my entire childhood. What that means when you grow up in a suburb is that she was about 75 yards away from me at all times and easy to get to. She spent countless hours at her kitchen table, and I spent countless hours with her at the kitchen table. Periodically my Grandfather would hobble in to join us, despite his crippling arthritis and Paget's disease.
And she smoked Camels while he smoked ciagrs until 1972. Can you imagine? Now, she didn't smoke nonstop but smoked nonetheless. And it was when she smoked that her pinky ring always caught my eye--probably from around the time I was 10 years old or so. Finally, I asked her about the ring and, like all little girls, asked if I could try it on. And this Grandma almost always found a way to yes to this and just about everything else.
"Where'd you get it?" Oh, she said it was a long story. My response was, "So? Can't I know it?"
"Well, Susie, this was my mother's ring. She was only 29 years old when her husband, who was my father, died and left her a widow with me, who was 2 years old, and my sister who was 9 and my brother who was 11. You never met my borther because he died when your Mom was about 18 or so. You knwo Aunt Florrie. So from the time I was 2 to when I was about 15 or so, she worked, and raised us and did everything she could for us. Then one day she met and dated a man from England who wanted to marry her and she liked him very much. He gave her this ring as their promise and proposed they live in England."
"Was Nana married again before she got old?" I was sure I wouldn't have missed that story, although I was a little girl I was when Nana died.
"No, and that's why I wear this ring, Susie. I was 15 and I didn't want to move. I had my friends, I liked a boy very much and I was spoiled by my mother and sister and brother. I told her I refused to move and too bad! Because of me, Nana never married him, and obviously we didn't move to England, where Nana grew up. So their romance ended, and he didn't want the ring back. Nana devoted her life to me and since she passed away, I wear this ring everyday to remind me of her and what she did for me. "
When my grandmother died 24 years ago, I asked my mother if she knew the story of that ring. She didn't, she said, so of course I told her and asked if I could have that ring. My mother granted my wish and now I look at it as a Mom and think of the sacrifices/choices we make as Moms--right or wrong--for what we hope will be the best for our children.
And she smoked Camels while he smoked ciagrs until 1972. Can you imagine? Now, she didn't smoke nonstop but smoked nonetheless. And it was when she smoked that her pinky ring always caught my eye--probably from around the time I was 10 years old or so. Finally, I asked her about the ring and, like all little girls, asked if I could try it on. And this Grandma almost always found a way to yes to this and just about everything else.
"Where'd you get it?" Oh, she said it was a long story. My response was, "So? Can't I know it?"
"Well, Susie, this was my mother's ring. She was only 29 years old when her husband, who was my father, died and left her a widow with me, who was 2 years old, and my sister who was 9 and my brother who was 11. You never met my borther because he died when your Mom was about 18 or so. You knwo Aunt Florrie. So from the time I was 2 to when I was about 15 or so, she worked, and raised us and did everything she could for us. Then one day she met and dated a man from England who wanted to marry her and she liked him very much. He gave her this ring as their promise and proposed they live in England."
"Was Nana married again before she got old?" I was sure I wouldn't have missed that story, although I was a little girl I was when Nana died.
"No, and that's why I wear this ring, Susie. I was 15 and I didn't want to move. I had my friends, I liked a boy very much and I was spoiled by my mother and sister and brother. I told her I refused to move and too bad! Because of me, Nana never married him, and obviously we didn't move to England, where Nana grew up. So their romance ended, and he didn't want the ring back. Nana devoted her life to me and since she passed away, I wear this ring everyday to remind me of her and what she did for me. "
When my grandmother died 24 years ago, I asked my mother if she knew the story of that ring. She didn't, she said, so of course I told her and asked if I could have that ring. My mother granted my wish and now I look at it as a Mom and think of the sacrifices/choices we make as Moms--right or wrong--for what we hope will be the best for our children.
Grandma and Rockefeller Center
It was 1986. Three months before my grandmother died (she must've known, I realize now, that she was quite ill), she asked me to take her to see the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. I was at that time the only one in my family nervy enough to drive in the city. She could no longer walk well, so mass transit wasn't an option. She loved the tree, which is why, I'm sure I am still enthralled with it each year. Her request was to go over the GW Bridge first and drive south from there. She said she remembered when it was built and that my grandfather made parts for it.
We got on the Henry Hudson Parkway and she talked to me about how much she liked the river and also reminisced about when she bought the bungalow in Pt. Pleasant and surprised my Grandfather. She wanted him to have his favorite place to go --the Jersey shore--as a place to relax in his retirement. She likely told me other stories I'd heard before as well, and that was OK with me.
We were "lucky" enough to be stopped in traffic nearly right next to the tree. I remember Grandma watched the Rockefeller Center tree from the car with childlike wonder in her eyes, saying nothing and then with a far-away look in her eye, saying, "Ok, we can go now."
Sometimes we're lucky to give or receive just what is needed when it's needed.
We got on the Henry Hudson Parkway and she talked to me about how much she liked the river and also reminisced about when she bought the bungalow in Pt. Pleasant and surprised my Grandfather. She wanted him to have his favorite place to go --the Jersey shore--as a place to relax in his retirement. She likely told me other stories I'd heard before as well, and that was OK with me.
We were "lucky" enough to be stopped in traffic nearly right next to the tree. I remember Grandma watched the Rockefeller Center tree from the car with childlike wonder in her eyes, saying nothing and then with a far-away look in her eye, saying, "Ok, we can go now."
Sometimes we're lucky to give or receive just what is needed when it's needed.
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