Grandma and How She Finally Locked the Door

Grandma had a first husband. She'd adored him, she told me, for many years from the time she was a teenager and almost up until the end. He was tall, blond, sophisticated, and loved her, she said. And she couldn't marry him 'til she was 21. She counted the days until they could marry. He was dashing and from the photos we still have, she was right. Yet when their daughter was 5 years old, he finally left "for good," as Grandma put it. "For good" was always in there story because he'd left and returned many times during their marraige until he left "for good."

She was telling me this in 1975 when suddenly couples married 20 years were divorcing, something relatively unheard of until the 70s. But in the late 30s and the 40s, it was still considered outright unacceptable. So she endured it the best she she knew how. And I wondered if she envied the new freedom of women to divorce with less stigma.

Their marriage was up and down, and she said that often he didn't come home at night. She left the door open for him the many, many nights he didn't come home. I never did ask where he went or why he didn't come home; even as I got older it just seemed better to not ask for those details. Finally, though, she did say that he wasn't faithful. I must've been about 12 or so. And that was my introduction to infidelity and the damage it could cause. She'd endured it, she said, at a time when you didn't get divorced or the social ramifications were worse than the divorce itself.


Finally when my mother was about 5 years old, he'd made it clear that he was not returning, was seeking a divorce, and was moving out of the state. He even managed to get an annulment (how is a good question here) so child support wasn't required. He simply moved on.

On that terrible, final day, she said the one thing she remembered the most was that after he left "for good," she walked up to the door and locked it. Just locked it, stood there for a few moments, and then went to bed. For the many nights that door had been open waiting for him to come home, she hadn't felt safe. Once she locked it, she realized she and her daughter were now much safer in their own home--and mostly from him.